broken hearts are good for stabbing people with

2005-11-22T12:37:00.000-08:00

today i got called into the psychologist-excuse me-SOCIAL WORKER's office.

someone thinks i'm being a bad little girl because i look dperessed. or something.

well, actually this is the second time i've been called to the west office. the first time was when someone told the lady at the front desk that i was cutting in the bathroom.

she made me show her my arms.
and saw my old scars.
from the time when i used to cut.
before i realized how stupid it was.

so now every two weeks i go to the Social Worker's office and talk to the lady.

the social worker's face is pinched and made up too much. maybe she was pretty when she was younger...

the other lady's feet are half the size of mine.
her height is half the size of mine.
her weight is 2 and a half times mine.

oh, but Little Miss Angst is being too cruel.
she's merely looking out for me.

so Little Miss Angst lies her ass off to make her happy.

the cousins come tomorrow.
the blonde one with the attitude I'll call Rex. Short for Anorexic, you see.
And the older one with the better taste in music I'll call Bouche. (I could call her Kuchi, but that'd be disgusting.)
Her mouth fucks those words as she says them.
She tastes every single one.

i wish i could talk like my dear cousin Bouche.

i also wish i could fire a nail gun into my gym teacher's skull, but that's not going to happen.

a girl pronounced "vagina" "VA-guh-ee-nah" today.
we all laughed at her because she's ugly.

a girl pronounced "penis" "PEEN-ice" in the same period.
we all laughed with her because we want to be like her.
we all want to be beautiful and self-confident and popular.
but they don't know that she cries and presses scissors into her thighs during her free period.

2005-11-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

Lily (My One And Only) --The Smashing Pumpkins
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun -- Me First And The Gimme Gimmes
Aerials -- System Of A Down
32 Flavors -- Ani Difranco
To Youth (My Sweet Roisin Dubh) -- Flogging Molly
Seattle Was A Riot -- Anti-Flag
Stairway to Heaven -- Led Zeppelin
A Crow Left Of The Murder -- Incubus
Hey Baby -- No Doubt
Feeling This -- blink-182

ten songs.
as brought to you by the shuffle button on my media player.

tap tap tap your toes to the beat

2005-11-21T14:25:00.000-08:00

this is the blog where no one will ever come and read it.

and i think I like it that way.

i am a silly little quiet girl who doodles on her black converse with black sharpie and admires them in the dim fluorescent lighting.

i am also a poet. in training.
well, a teenage poet, which means i write crap poetry and then laugh at my attempts to be profound.

names have been changed to protect the innocent.

so, ducks.
what do you want to know?

things about me
I draw hearts on my knuckles during fifth period.
I think my best friend is the most wonderful person in the world, and yet feel absolutely no attachment to him at all.
I pretend I'm different and groovy, but really i'm the same as any other contradictory high schooler.
I like listening to pop punk and faux emo bands.
My two favorite songs in the whole world are "Lover I Don't Have To Love" by Bright Eyes (oh, take me away, Conor Oberst) and "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage" by Panic! At The Disco.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not a slut.
My father can go jump into the Mississippi for all I care.
The boy who got me into music is now not talking to me for no reason.
I hate my school.
I cry too much.
i miss The Liar, The Prude, and The Sisters Who Aren't Really Sisters.
I fear that I will go my whole life without ever being in love.

and now the secret of the week: Revolver met his current girlfriend when they got off their asses drunk and had unprotected sex. thinking that she was pregnant, he asked her out.

and now they're in love.